The dance we left behind
Ahsaas and Neil were college friends who had one thing in common—they both loved dancing.
Whenever there was a college function or competition, they were always together on the stage. Slowly, their friendship turned into love. They won many competitions together, and their bond became stronger with every dance.
One day, Neil finally told Ahsaas, “I really like you. I want to spend more time with you.”
Ahsaas smiled and said yes.
Everything was going perfectly until their college ended.
One day, Neil suddenly received a call from home. He left for his hometown without telling Ahsaas anything. He didn’t call her or explain what had happened.
Ahsaas was heartbroken. She thought maybe Neil never really loved her.
She was angry, but deep inside, she missed him terribly. Still, she decided to forget him and move on.
After some time, Ahsaas got a good job and spent the next few years focusing on her career. She continued dancing, but she never spoke about Neil.
Then one day, she saw him in her office.
Ahsaas wanted to talk to him, but she was still hurt. When she finally gathered the courage to go near him, Neil saw her and walked away.
She couldn’t control her tears.
Later, at an office party, Neil finally came to her.
He told her the truth.
The day he had left, his parents had passed away. He had to return home immediately, and everything in his life changed after that. He never got the chance to explain anything to Ahsaas.
Neil had also stopped dancing. The boy who once loved dancing more than anything was now completely focused on work and responsibilities.
Ahsaas was shocked. She realized that while she thought Neil had forgotten her, he had actually been fighting his own battles.
She was still hurt, but this time, she didn’t walk away.
Because sometimes, people don’t leave because they stop loving you.
Sometimes, life simply takes them somewhere they never wanted to go.
Hey
I just finished reading your first chapter, and I already feel so much for Ahsaas and Neil. The way you’ve shown their love through dance is so beautiful it really made their bond feel alive and special.
What I loved:
The pacing is smooth and easy to follow. You take us through their happy days, then the sudden heartbreak, and finally the reunion it flows nicely.
Ahsaas feels real. Her hurt, her anger, her decision to move on I could feel all of that.
The worldbuilding is simple but effective. College life, competitions, then the office setting it’s clear and relatable.
Areas to grow:
Neil’s character felt a bit distant. I’d love to see more of his side earlier maybe a hint that something was wrong before he left? That would make the twist hit even harder.
Some parts feel a little rushed, especially the time jump. Giving us one small moment from those “few years” would make Ahsaas’s journey feel deeper.
The dialogue is sweet but could use a little more flavor make Neil’s confession and Ahsaas’s reaction sound more like them.
Why these changes?
Because you’ve got a really emotional story here. With a little more depth in Neil’s character and a few pauses in the pacing, readers will cry right along with Ahsaas.
You’re off to a strong start. Keep going this story has so much heart.
If you’d like a more detailed, line-by-line breakdown with deeper suggestions on pacing, character development, and worldbuilding, feel free to reach out to me at:
davidreads831@gmail.com