The Hollow Valley
This isn’t really a story but I wanted to ask for opinions on a book I’m writing. The book is called The Hollow Valley and takes place in a Valley where a family moves into a house there. The house is remote and hours away from the closest town. There are three creatures that live there:
The Deer: a normal deer until nightfall, when the deer will stand on it’s hind legs and ambush prey by getting close to unsuspecting people before pouncing.
The Hollowed: a 12 foot tall humanoid with long arms that drag on the ground. Despite it’s large stature, it is capable of fitting tight spaces, known to hide in furniture, crawl spaces, or even dark corners
The Elder: a creature similar to the Hollowed but they stand at 12 meters and can’t fit into small spaces. They’re know to use raw strength to kill instead of ambushing
Please tell me if there is anything that can be improved upon and/or if you think this is something that you’d read.
I really like the premise. The isolated setting immediately creates tension, and each creature feels distinct. The Hollowed especially stands out to me. One thing I’d be curious about is why these creatures are in the valley and what keeps them there. Even a small hint of the lore could make the mystery even more compelling. It’s definitely something I’d keep reading!
Thank you so much! The creatures are in the valley due to a curse put on the valley inspired by native American folklore. I still need to polish out the details, but I have a general idea.
Alright
What stage is the book currently?
Okay, I’m not gonna lie this concept gave me chills in the best way possible. A remote valley, a family trapped in a house hours from help, and THREE unique creatures hunting them? That’s a horror lover’s dream right there.
What I loved:
The creature designs are SO creative. The Deer is my favorite the idea of a normal deer that suddenly stands on its hind legs and ambushes people is genuinely creepy. That’s fresh and terrifying.
The Hollowed fitting into tight spaces? NOPE. That’s nightmare fuel. Imagine hiding in a closet and realizing it can crawl in there with you. So good.
The Elder being pure brute strength gives you variety different threats for different moments. Keeps readers on edge.
What could be improved:
I’d love to know why these creatures exist. Is there a curse? A history? A reason the valley is like this? Giving us a little mystery to uncover would make it even more gripping.
The family themselves who are they? Mom, dad, kids? Their personalities will carry the emotional weight. If readers care about them, the fear hits ten times harder.
The house itself feels like a character too. Maybe give it some creepy details strange markings, old furniture, a locked room? That would build atmosphere beautifully.
Why these changes?
Because you’ve already built an awesome monster trio. Now you just need to build the world around them and the people inside it. That’s what turns a cool idea into an unforgettable book.
Would I read this?
Absolutely. 100%. This feels like something I’d stay up late reading with all the lights on. You’ve got something really promising here.
Keep building this world I’m already invested.
If you’d like more detailed feedback on worldbuilding, character development, or pacing or if you ever want to share a chapter for a deeper look feel free to reach out at:
davidreads831@gmail.com